Within Kairos

So the worst school shooting yet at Virginia Tech… I asked myself, how can someone do such a thing? Then I realized it is entirely possible with the way our world is. Most people are not fazed by many of the problems the world throws at them, but with so many people going through the same situations, at least one of them is going to take the wrong and evil path. Here is one way this could happen. Sorry for the length, but I hope it can shed some light on how a good mannered colledge student can gradually be driven to mass murder.

Disclaimer: The following is not how I am feeling right now, it is not how I have felt in the past. It is entirely fictional made up on the spot with some sentences stolen from a comment on a slashdot.org comment.

It’s my 2nd year at University, I wanted to take Fine Arts, but my parents wanted an engineer or a lawyer. Of course, I have to follow their wishes. There hasn’t been a time when I haven’t. I choose engineering, as I do not want to be a lawyer. The first year is amazing, I take a full course load. On various topics. Woah, who knew the course load was this much of a burden. I have yet to make any friends as my parents keep reminding me to study and to get a good education to provide for them and my future family. Future family? How can I have one if I haven’t talked to a girl outside of class for more than five minutes?

Come Christmas all I can do is rest, there is a snowboard club going on a big trip, but I hadn’t heard of it and now it is too late to go. I wouldn’t know anyone on it anyways, so whatever. Over Christmas my family is always asking what I think of school and how I am doing. “It is great”, I say. I am getting great marks and learning a lot.

Come January, a week before school I start on my assignment for my year long class. By the time classes start up I’ve already worked 25 hours. Woah, these classes are harder. I fail my first exam. But the good thing is that I’ve met a few friends now and we spend some time together during classes. I study even harder once my parents find out about the quiz I failed. I fail the midterm, I have to work even harder to pass the final and the class now. Long story short, I focus so hard on the one class, I fail another. And I didn’t even recover my mark in the first class. End of the year, I’ve failed two classes.

My parents are angry. I look ahead to the next year. I can only take one class a semester! Everything else needed those classes I failed? Why would they set it up like this? Ok, they are offered in the spring semester, good. I sign up for the classes. My new friends head out camping for a week, I need to stay home and go to school. Every time I try to talk to them about my stress they shrug it off, “Everyone has to take the classes, and everyone has trouble. But you can catch up, no worries.”

Each dinner, my parents mention my hard working sister, who is excelling in math and science in her grade 8 class. All the while taking piano lessons, and playing on a soccer team. It’s like they are rubbing it in. They convince me to take some summer classes after I finish the spring ones so that I can get a head start on the next year. I get back to school, this time it is six classes a semester.

I can’t handle it, no one understands though, my friends just keep shrugging it off. Of course they also have six classes, they are doing fine. Why? Why can’t I do it? If I can’t handle this I will not be successful in life, I will not be able to provide for my parents or anyone I end up loving. Love? Hah! No girls would even talk to me. Life only gets worse.

It’s just that no one understands, no one wants to. No one makes the effort to connect and communicate, or not enough people do. I only get to watch as everyone around them appears happy and complacent. They’re having fun, playing games, living normal lives and crying about silly things like how their boyfriend dumped them. Boohoo, my soul is only tearing itself apart and no one notices. I am failing four of my classes now.

My parents only keep mentioning my sister’s successes and how important it is to work hard and get an education. The wound festers, and before long I hate everyone and everything. They’re always so happy like sheep, ignorant and uncaring about the injustices that go on around them. They don’t care, so long as they get to have their stupid, superficial relationships and joke around with each other while others suffer. They’re more than willing to spend $15 a month on some remote child in Africa but to actually lift a finger themselves, too hard for the bastards.

Demons all of them. They’re talking about me behind my back. They’re pointing me out, I’m the weirdo. The anti-social ass who chased away all those idiots who were my “friends”. No one wants anything to do with me, or doesn’t know you’re unclean. I practically don’t even exist in their feeble minds. Some socially disfigured leper.

It’s not that they are purposely leaving me out, they don’t even notice me! I am invisible, the one who never attempted to make friends with them, and when talking to them only ever complained about my problems. They don’t want to have to look at me, to deal with all my crap.

Screw them. If I play nice, I’m a “prima donna” because I had a nervous breakdown when my class load was too high. I play rough, and I’m a lowlife scum without the sophistication to breed. Forget them all and their social games. They’ll see. You’ll wake them up and they’ll see. They’ll see themselves for the compassion-less, stupid ——- they are. Yeah, it’ll be sweet.

I’m not saying this is how it went this time, but it cannot be blamed on a single thing. Video games made him do it, ok, good now we don’t have to worry about talking to the ‘losers’, just ban the games. His parents should have been on the ball, ok, good, we don’t have to worry about talking to the ‘losers’. Violent TV made him do it, ok, good…

We need to do something drastic to prevent his from happening again. Yes, work on the video games, the tv shows, the parents. It’s great for ratings during the news. But for God’s sake please listen to the people themselves, pay attention. Lend an ear, try to emphasize with the person himself, maybe one person showing some kindness will prevent a massmurder.